Death On The Nile (2022) Review

The stage is set with opulence: champagne flows, decks gleam, and every linen is crisply pressed. Kenneth Branagh's adaptation of Agatha Christie's "Death on the Nile" boasts a cast decked out to the nines, but sadly, they seem to have missed their cue.

Branagh returns as the impeccably mustachioed Hercule Poirot, clearly reveling in his role, but the film struggles to match his enthusiasm. The visual effects and performances often feel detached, leaving us to ponder the mystery of their engagement. Armie Hammer and Gal Gadot, though breathtakingly beautiful, lack any romantic chemistry—Hammer particularly seems preoccupied with issues off-screen, which we'll touch on later.

Michael Green’s screenplay tries to spice things up with diversity, shining through Sophie Okonedo and Letitia Wright’s standout performances. Yet, it takes an eternity for the plot to set sail, despite a gripping black-and-white flashback to Poirot's World War I exploits—complete with a shocking mustache origin story. Frankly, I'd have preferred watching that film; it had more depth than the main feature.

Fast forward to swinging London of 1937, where Poirot jives into a blues club, encountering a spirited performance by Okonedo's Salome Otterbourne and her no-nonsense niece, Wright's Rosalie. Meanwhile, the introduction of Hammer’s Simon Doyle through a steamy dance number raises eyebrows—mainly due to his off-screen scandals, which loom over his every move like a shadow.

Jacqueline de Bellefort (Emma Mackey) introduces Simon to Gadot’s Linnet Ridgeway, and sparks supposedly fly—though more like awkwardly fizzle. Gadot’s entrance in a 65mm glory is a visual treat, reminiscent of a creamy dream sequence that promises more than the film ultimately delivers. As Simon and Linnet marry, Poirot finds himself embroiled in their honeymoon voyage down the Nile, surrounded by a motley crew including Tom Bateman’s affable Bouc and Annette Bening’s delightfully snarky Euphemia.

Among the ensemble, Okonedo steals the show with her razor-sharp wit, while Mackey injects just the right dose of madness into her role. However, most characters—including Russell Brand, Ali Fazal, and the comedic duo of Jennifer Saunders and Dawn French—feel underutilized, their potential drowned out in the background.

When murder inevitably strikes, courtesy of Poirot's presence, the whodunit lacks the necessary intrigue. The characters remain woefully underdeveloped, their motivations as murky as the Nile waters. The romantic entanglements, supposed to fuel suspense, fall flat due to Hammer and Gadot’s lack of on-screen chemistry. Their love affair feels as artificial as the glossy CGI backdrops that fail to capture the grandeur they aim to depict.

In essence, "Death on the Nile" struggles to find its footing amidst lavish settings and an ensemble cast of varying talents. While Branagh’s direction tries to steer the ship, the film ultimately meanders in shallow waters, leaving audiences wishing for a more compelling mystery—or perhaps a more engaging video game adaptation, given its CGI-heavy visuals.

If you’re in the mood for murder and glamour, prepare to be underwhelmed. As for the romantic escapades? They’re as convincing as Poirot’s mustache—impressive in theory, but lacking in execution.